Hetalia Parodies
by ninjakat405
Summary: A bunch of random Youtube videos or comedy sketches featuring the Hetalia cast. Warnings and characters will be inside for each chapter. Human names used. Rating may go up. R&R for more!
1. B and E

**A/N: **So, just some random thing that popped into my head while I'll trying to sleep. My ideas like to come at the worst times. Well, at least they come, and their pretty good ideas for the most part.

First up: Dane Cook's B&E, styled with America and Canada. Some mentions of a specific polar bear.

I don't own Hetalia, Dane cook, or anything he says.

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><p>Alfred sat on the couch, flicking through the thousands of channels his new television package gave him. He wondered how so many channels could play such boring shows. There were replays galore of past football games, reruns of the drama hospital shows that always played out the same no matter the circumstance - some boring old guy would get a disease everyone would try to treat, but never knew the real cure until the last minute – movies from three years ago that weren't about the awesomeness of America, and – Oh! There was a documentary of the Cold War, when he kicked Russia's ass. But the other didn't want to admit it. It sounded cool, but when Alfred clicked the channel, the dull voiceover only listed the dates of unimportant meetings.<p>

With a dramatic sigh, he went back to searching the shows with a face that looked more like it would fit in the face of a long fight.

He was about to give up and just find something on the Internet when he found an old horror movie. He grabbed a nearby pillow and clutched it tightly to his chest as the intro flowed across the television's 48in plasma screen. He had seen a movie like this before with Japan: something about brainwashed children killing everyone who didn't think like them. That one wasn't scary. He hadn't even cried by the end (not that he would admit to crying, because hero's never cried in front of fear or danger). But, before ten minutes had even passed, he was shaking and the stuffing from the pillow was oozing its way out of the seams from the pressure he was putting it under as he squeezed it tightly.

He wasn't afraid of course. He was just so…emotionally wrought at not being to help the people out of the monstrous house filled with evil creatures! Yeah, that was it.

But, just to be sure, he reached to the cordless phone on the small lamp table next to the couch and dialed.

"Ah, this is Mathew Wi-"

"Mattie!" Alfred shouted into the phone, his voice louder as he tried to hide his distress (not fear, Damnit!), as he cut off his brother. "How's it going?"

"Eh? Oh, it's not too bad, except Kumajirou keeps getting into-"

"That's great, Mattie, but I have a question!"

There was a ghost of a sigh as Mathew was cut off once again. At least Alfred had remembered his name and was even decent enough to ask how he was. It was probably to much to ask to have him heard as well. "What do you want, Al?"

"You gotta come watch this movie with me! It's so awesome and has all the creepy stuff you love and-"

"And you're afraid and need someone there", his brother translated. "Right now?"

"I'm totally not afraid! I thought you'd like it, and its' been awhile since us bro's hung out together. And yes right now!"

Matthew contemplated on the use of saying no, and new that refusing would be useless. Most likely, Alfred wouldn't quit asking, or would keep calling until he agreed, or whine about it constantly for the next few months or so. "I gue-"

"Sweet! I'll make popcorn!"

The call ended and while Alfred paused the movie, his brother hung his head and went to call a taxi.

* * *

><p>Matthew really didn't know had this happened. He could not for his life, figure out how he had found himself in his brother's car, driving up and down a cul-de-sac in a small suburb outside the city, staking out a house. For burglary of all things. He glanced at Alfred, biting his lower lip in anxiety. Alfred gave him a narrowed-eyed sidelong glance from the driver's seat that plainly spoke of blackmail if Matthew said another word against the plan.<p>

It was during a commercial that the super power had come up with the idea.

"Dude, this movie is really boring", Alfred sighed. His boredom might have been more convincible if he wasn't clinging to his brother like gum on a chair and if he wasn't trembling or closing eyes at every spurt of blood shown. "We should do something more fun and exciting."

Matthew, after coming all this way and having to put up with a terrified and hypocritical Alfred, wanted to do nothing that included pain, loud noises, and just leaving the couch in general. So he was extremely wary when Alfred said the words 'fun and exciting'. "And what is more exciting than watching this movie-"

"I know!" he answered himself, shooting up from the couch. "You know what would make me a better hero?"  
>"Not freaking out during a movie?"<br>"What? I don't do that! What would make me a better hero is if I acted like the bad guy! I would know all of their tricks if I learned to think like one!"

Matthew wondered he got this idea from, but was afraid to ask. "What are you think-"

"We should totally do a B and E!"

"A B and…E?"

"Breaking and Entering!"

"A wha – wait – what! Why? You can't do that! You'd get arrested-"

"If caught", Alfred said matter-of-factly.

"What does it matter if! You're still going to be going into someone's house and breaking items and intruding on them!" No wonder crime rates were so high here…

"Come one Mattie! When you do a B and E, you have to have someone that won't do it, and you're right here, and don't want to do it-"

"Of course I don't want to do it!" Matthew cried, which was only a normal speaking volume to the rest of the world, but it was still loud enough to surprise Alfred.

"It's not going to hurt anyone! And we're not going to steal anything. We'll just bust inside the house, rummage through some stuff, and get out."

"I-I still don't know-"

"Alright! Let's go!" Alfred ran to get his car keys, and left Matthew in the dark room, alone, in his excitement. Matthew sighed and wondered where his brother came up with such ideas, and why he was always being dragged into the middle of them. "Come on, Bro!"

His legs feeling like lead, he dragged himself from the couch and followed his brother to the car.

* * *

><p>"Alfred, really, don't do this", Matthew whispered, his already frail voice shaking.<p>

"I have to, Bro! It's my duty as a hero, to better protect everyone from evil, like Communism!" His laugh cut off sharply as he pointed over the driver's wheel at a house down the street. "That one, Mattie. That's the house were going to do a B and E at!"

"No! W-we can't! Not here, not anywhere! Just turn around; It's not too…late…"

Alfred had already stopped the car, but when Matthew finally stopped to find where they were, the house his brother had pointed to was sixteen blocks away. Alfred must have seen the question on his face, because he flashed a smile and announced in what he liked to call his 'hero' voice "You always have to park really far away from the target! No one will suspect anything, and you can make a really epic getaway." He hopped out of the car and sped to the back of the house on the road without even looking back to see if his brother was following.

Matthew grabbed an Advil from the bottle he stored in Alfred's glove compartment for times like these before leaving the car as well. He found him jumping over the fence to the next yard. Matthew just walked through the gate put in the middle of the wooden divider. The next house was clear of obstacles, but Alfred insisted on dodging from tree to tree, and even went as far as barrel-rolling through a line of trees. The last house before the target also had a fence.

It was a thick, chain-link fence four feet high. Already, Alfred was scaling up it, and jumped nimbly onto the other side. Matthew followed much more carefully.

He wondered what Kumajirou was doing right now. Normally around this time, he would have finished dinner with his owner and gone off to the bedroom and waited for him to come to bed by trying to get the cat to come out from under the bed. It was extremely shy like Matthew. But Matthew hadn't been home for almost three hours, and Kumajirou had been very stubborn all day and even calling his owner Alfred.

Matthew was so occupied about his polar bear, that when he tried to slip down to the ground, the back of his shirt was yanked up.

"Gwah! A-ah! W-what is this? A-Alfred! I'm stuck! I knew this wasn't a good idea; we're going to get caught, or worse and-"

"You're shirt's just stuck at the top", Alfred told him and pulled his brother off the fence.

Matthew looked at the tear in his shirt and frowned. "This was my favorite shirt too…"

"Well you shouldn't be wearing your favorite shirt on something as dangerous but needs-to-be-done mission! Next time, wear your second favorite shirt!"

"N-next time…?"

"Shush!"

The house was in front of them. It wasn't large, but the backyard stretched on. Several kid's toys – a tricycle, some balls, and a plastic truck – strewed the dying grass. Alfred wiped the palms of his hands on his jeans and slowly stepped up to the glass sliding door.

Matthew grabbed his wrist. "Wait! Come on; let's go home, Al. What if they're home?" Alfred rolled his eyes. "I-I hear a car…"

"…Dude, cars are everywhere. You're going to hear them for the rest of your life. It my whale comes sliding down the street, tell me then, because that'll be freaky. And I haven't seen him in a while, so it'd be nice to say hi!"

And then he was off again. Matthew counted his steps. _One…two…three…fo-_

"Mattie, I don't think I can do it". The brother sighed in relief. "Nope, I got it!" Matthew watched in horror as Alfred kicked the door open. It fell off its hinges and fell to the ground with a thump. And then he entered the darkness of the sleeping house.

Matthew stood outside as Alfred stepped inside. He was swallowed up by the black within two steps, and he walked in a small circle nervously. He jumped and almost shrieked when his brother shot of the house, and collided with him.

"Dude, we need to get out of here. Now."

Expecting the worst, he let Alfred drag him back to car, emitting the ninja criminal moves he had done before, and shoved him into the car. Matthew was too shocked to ask what had happened. It wasn't until they had gotten home that he confronted Alfred.

"So…why did you leave the house?"

"I realized I didn't want to a B and E", Alfred answered.

"You just…wanted to…?" He actually had no clue what his brother had wanted to then, and couldn't find any logical reason as to why he would go all the way to the house and just leave. Then again, Alfred was anything but logical.

"I just wanted to kick a door down!"

Matthew turned to the nearest wall and repeatedly banged his forehead on the smooth plaster as Alfred walked down the hall laughing.

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><p><strong>AN: **You likeys? Let me know with a review! Review if you want to see the Axis going to find Candy Mountain!


	2. Candy Mountain

**A/N: **Second parody is here! Hopefully it isn't too messed up or confusing.

Warnings and characters: The Axis (Germany, Japan, and Italy), with mentions of China and America. Special guests: Panda and Tony. Totally randomness and crack, a few made up words, and a song in Italian! If you can name the song, I'll randomly put your name somewhere in the next chapters (too weird? Oh well, weird is how I roll!)

Disclaimer: (This is going to be long...) I do not own Hetalia! I do not own Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain or any of Charlie the Unicorn episodes. I am sorry for the misspelling of Leoploridon. I also do not own the song! That belongs to Simone Cristicchi (hint, hint), and I gice some credit to SkadiPirate on Youtube, becasue that's how I found the song. She's awesome, watch her videos.

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><p>Ludwig was in the living room, reading the newspaper, when <em>he<em> came dashing into the room yelling his name.

"Ludwig, Ludwig!"

The blonde cringed and lifted the paper higher, hoping that if the Italian didn't see his face, he would go back to whatever nonsense he was working on before that Ludwig would just have to clean up later.

"Hey, hey Ludwig! Guess what? Guess what Ludwig!"

To his dismay, the newspaper was pulled down, and the redhead flashed him a bright smile.

"This better be important Feliciano, I'm very busy today. What is it? Is the kitchen on fire?" He checked the hall just to make sure no smoke was coming from the room. It wasn't that the housemate was horrible at cooking – he was actually very great – it was just that he had a habit of making a fairly large mess that he would forget to clean up.

But it wasn't fire that came out of the kitchen: it was Kiku. He entered the living room and held out a piece of paper.

"What is that?" Ludwig asked hesitantly.

"We found it in the backyard", Kiku explained. "Pochi-kun had it in his mouth when I went to get him this morning-"

"It's a map to Candy Mountain!" Feliciano finished in a burst of excitement. He watched Ludwig expectantly.

"Candy Mountain…right…" Ludwig said. "Like I explained before, I really am busy-"

"Come on Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed, jumping onto the couch with him and bouncing with a child's enthusiasm.

"It'll be an adventure", Kiku noted.

The Italian lit up. "Yeah, an adventure! Come on! Let's go! Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, Candy Mounta-"

"_ACTUNG!_" Feliciano really didn't know when to be quiet, did he? Ludwig had just wanted to get his paperwork done, finish the project for the next world meeting – even if it wasn't for another three months, it was still good to be prepared –

"It's a place of sweets and joyness and happiness and there'll be candy and everyone loves candy and-"

"Fine! I'll go. But only to keep you quiet. Don't say I didn't warn you when we never find this Candy Mountain."

"Yay!" Feliciano said, ignorant of the last of the blonde's words. "This'll be so much fun, right Kiku?"

"Yes, it will prove to be a very interesting expedition, don't you think?"

"We'll find so much candy that we won't be able to carry it all!" the redhead laughed in anticipation.

Ludwig rubbed his temples, already feeling a headache coming on as the two other housemates talked amiably about the new area they were about to explore. He reluctantly placed the neatly folded newspaper on the couch next to him and slowly left the comfortable seat he had hoped to stay in for the morning. If truth be told, Ludwig was only going to the so-called Candy Mountain to keep Feliciano from hurting himself.

The Germany let his gaze rest sadly at the lonely newspaper, before shutting the door to his house, and to the option of stepping out of this ludicrous idea.

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><p>"<em>Piero dice che l'altr'anno è stato sulla luna~ Piero dice c'ha piantato funghi e marijuana~ La penisola italiana è un suo stivale~<em>"

Ludwig ground his teeth together.

"_Piero è stato assolto dalla corte costituzionale~ Piero con il suo gommone sbarca clandestini~_"

"Italy."

"_Piero è stato battezzato insieme a Ceccherini~_"

"Italy!"

"_Piero ha pubblicato un libro per la_-"

"Halt!" Ludwig yelled, finally having enough of the song. Maybe, just maybe, he might have tolerated the singing, if only Feliciano hadn't chosen a song that was entirely in Italian, and if he hadn't been singing it since the moment they have left the house.

"But Ludwig…" he started.

"Don't start, Feliciano! I've had enough of the singing!"

"I didn't mind the song, Ludwig", Kiku noted.

Ludwig stared at the smaller man. Of course he didn't mind it; he had been starting to sing along once he learned some of the words. Feliciano had even taught him some the meanings. It wasn't helping his headache any.

"It doesn't matter, Kiku, because the first stop is right here!" said Italian shouted. He ran ahead through an opening in the woods they were strolling through and called after them.

"Yao?" Kiku asked when Ludwig and him had left the trees behind. Italy was standing next to him, waving the map sporadically in his face.

"Ni hao you guys", he greeted. "Feli here has shown me this trip to Candy Mountain you are going on, and that is very funny indeed. If there is such a place, I would have built it! I have not built a place made entirely of candy, although it is a great idea. Maybe I should try to do that!"

"Ah…" Ludwig shot a hopeless look at Kiku.

"Aiyah! I forgot! I found Panda today! He was hiding form me for the past few days." Yao pulled out a black and white bear from a basket strapped from his back. "Say hello, Panda!"

Feliciano patted the panda bear, and it opened its mouth and emitted a rough wail. Feliciano jumped back, hand cradled to his chest in fright. "W-what happened?" he asked nervously.

"Panda must not be feeling good…"

"Feliciano! It's the Leoploridon! From the map", Kiku pointed out. "That's the noise the map said it would make."

"You're right, Kiku! The Leoploridon has spoken! It's shown us the way!"

"Leo…ploridon…?" Ludwig wondered why he was even on this trip.

"Yes, Ludwig" Kiku said. "It is a legend in my country where-"

"Shun the non-believers!" the Italian yelled.

"Yes…well…", Ludwig continued. "The map says we need to cross a bridge…" Anything to get their minds off this…creature thing.

"The bridge! Oh yeah! Come on Ludwig, Kiku!"

"Yes, arigato, Ludwig".

Ludwig groaned.

"See you all later, yes?" Yao called after them, waving.

"Here it is!" Feliciano said, pointing wildly at a rope bridge ahead of them.

"It doesn't look too safe; are you sure this is the only way?" Ludwig asked.

Japan checked the map. "It seems so."

The German looked dis-heartedly into the chasm far below, with only a thin stream of blue winding its way down the mountain to mark the bottom. Only tow thin ropes on either side of the bridge supported it across the large expanse of air.

"Is anyone else getting covered in splinters?" he called out. "The sun is going down; it'll be dark in a few hours. Maybe this can wait until later?"

"Ludwig, this is a bridge of hope and wonder", Kiku told him.

"Ludwig!"

Said man shuddered.

"Hey, Ludwig!"

Please, shut up, Feliciano…

"Hey, hey, Ludwig? We're on a magical bridge!"

Ludwig dashed down the bridge and grabbed the Italian by the color of his shirt, and dragged him along the path that marked the last few miles to Candy Mountain, ignoring all pleas and garbled chokes.

"Here it is", Kiku said at last, and Ludwig tossed Feliciano onto the ground in impatience.

It didn't look like a mountain made of candy. It didn't even look like a mountain. It was just a large pile of boulders stacked on top of it.

"Go inside, Ludwig" Feliciano encouraged, rubbing his throat. "See what's in there." He unfurled a white flag from his pockets just in case.

Ludwig was just about to step inside the cave when something small and gray launched itself at him. He fell on his back into the dirt, with a small, gray, humanoid creature standing on top of him. It let out some kind of squeal, although it had no mouth.

"What the…?" He looked back at Kiku. "One of your 'legends' again?" The Japanese man shook his head.

"Ludwig, is that you?" a familiar, and not welcome voice asked. "Aww, dude, I think he likes you!" Alfred laughed in that annoying way of his and Ludwig scowled. "It's just Tony, chill out. He's my alien friend!"

"Hey, hey, Alfred! Do you know about Candy Mountain?" Feliciano asked suddenly.

"Ah, no, can't say I do, but I bet it's some totally awesome place!" He laughed again, and Ludwig couldn't decide who gave him the largest headache. Feliciano's face fell, and even Kiku's normally passive expression seemed to pull back in a small frown. "But if you're looking for candy, I have some!"

Alfred pulled up his shirt, and candy of all kinds dropped to the ground. By the time the river of wrappers ended there was a mountain of…candy…

"This is so great, isn't it, Kiku!" Feliciano said, scooping up the treats in both hands. The older man agreed, picking out his favorites among the large pile. "Want some, Ludwig?"

He shook his head, content to find a mountain of aspirin.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, just in case:

actung = attention and shut up, depending on where you use it.

halt = stop

arigato = thank you

And the song in English = Piero says that he went to the moon last year/ Piero says that he planted mushrooms and marijuana there/ The Italian peninsula is one of his boots/ Piero has been acquitted by the Constitutional Court/ Piero with his rubber dingy lands clandestine/ Piero has been baptized together with Ceccherini/ Piero published a book for Mondadori.


	3. Creepy Guy At Work

**A/N: **I really need to work on my other stories. And do my English essay. But these are so much fun!

Anyway, we have another Dane Cook! This one is his Creepy Guy At Work. It will feature Russia as the creepy guy! And Lithuania. Poor Leit.

I do not own Hetalia or Dane Cook and stuff.

And congrats to Hiezen Uchihen for getting the song right. It was L'Italia de Piero by Simone Cristicchi.

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><p>Toris dropped the pile of boxes onto the desk with a sigh. He ran his hand along the smooth metal surface clear of objects. The gold-painted slate engraved with his name brought a smile to his face. A true smile, not the forced ones he had been wearing for years, where his cheeks hurt from the resistance his face gave and his lips trembled in fear. Not the kind of smile that man had wanted to see at his previous job.<p>

After ten years working as a secretary for young woman in the marketing business, she had found a better job on another floor, and a new man had taken her place. He had seemed well enough, if not intimidatingly tall. But, after a while, even the most clueless worker had realized the man for what he was. His name was Ivan Braginsky, and he showed up to work hours late, and normally very dunk. He liked to know what was going on at every moment of the day, going even as far as having "meetings" with Toris' co-workers. The last time, his friend Eduard came out with a broken wrist.

The man would stalk his own business partners as well, and call his "date" Yao at all hours of the working day. He spoke English well enough, but would start yelling in another language if angered, and it made Toris shudder. Other times, he would sit at his desk, head in hands and brood. He would be silent for days on end or fall asleep at his desk. Once Toris had found him asleep with a bloodied knife under his table.

All in all, he was a very creepy man.

But about a month ago, Toris had found another secretary job across town at Hiezen Uchiha's Accounting, and he had gotten the job almost right away. The empty desk was like a new start, a clean slate. And he wouldn't have to put up with Ivan Braginsky again.

At least for a while it seemed so.

After a few weeks at his new job, Toris saw the company's ad in the newspaper. He wondered if it was a printing mistake, if the company had accidentally sent it in again, or if the newspaper had re-printed the article again. With only a smudge of worry in the back of his mind, he continued his job happily despite the long hours and work load. Anything was better than working under Braginsky.

That was why he nearly had a heart attack when he saw the tall man walk into the office before him.

_M-maybe it's not the same guy_, he tried to tell himself, though his hands were shaking when he opened the glass doors. _I just saw someone very tall from a different floor and I mistook his identity. That's all. Nothing more. _

He was in the elevator with the man, and kept his head down to avoid detection from the taller man. His green eyes darted to the man every so often, but he could only see his feet. When he exited – on Toris' floor, of course – the brunette swallowed a scream.

He quickly ducked behind a mail carrier and tried to make himself small behind a stack of papers on his desk. His eyes watched the platinum-haired man as he sat down in a cubicle a few feet form him.

Toris waved over a fellow employee.

"That man", Toris started."The very tall man with silver hair and purple eyes; when did he start working here?"

"Ivan Braginsky?" Toris flinched at the name of the man in question. "Oh, he started last week in training."

"So…the place really did have a job opening? And he was hired?"

"Yeah, he had all the qualities and certificates. The recommendations were really great too. But, I hear there was some stuff going on with the place he was working at last and was fired."

_It's about time. I bet everyone was so eager to see him go that they wrote him anything that would give another job. Or he threatened them to write it the recommendations…_

"I-I used to work with him", Toris explained. "Any rumors you've heard about him are probably true." He cleared his throat when he found his voice was rising in octave in panic. Maybe he could just avoid him. Maybe he wouldn't work here for that long – it could always be just a back-up job until he found something else.

The plan had worked for a more weeks. Toris kept to the corners of the rooms, took his lunch breaks after Ivan's, and made sure start packing up for the day once the man had left the building first. Ivan never seemed to notice Toris' presence on the same floor, and there hadn't been any whispers of anything happening with the taller man. After the first month without incident had passed, Toris began to relax.

He was finishing filing names away his boss had wanted for a meeting the next day when he felt the air temperature drop a few degrees. _Maybe they turned down the thermostat for the night?_ But that didn't stop the goose bumps from breaking out on his skin, the hair on the back of his neck start to rise. No amount of convincing him otherwise could keep from knowing.

With a deep, shaky breath, he stood up and faced Ivan.

Despite how he wanted to stand up against the man, he still flinched at his appearance. He looked taller than he had remembered, his eyes a darker purple. They seemed to bore into his own green eyes.

"Toris?" The smile told Toris that he didn't even need to ask. "I did not know you worked here. For how long?"

Was that the tint of alcohol on his breath? "A-about a m-month before you t-transferred, I guess". He tried to stop trembling.

Ivan's smile widened. "Ah, I wondered where you had gone. We all missed you, but the company was laying off some workers."

_He's making excuses. He knows why I left, but he won't tell me why he was fired. _

"Yes, I-it was lucky I…w-we found this job so close…"

"Da. My taxi shall be coming soon, so I shall leave you to your cleaning up."

It was a relief to watch Ivan leave. But the relief was short lived. At every opportunity, Ivan tried to talk to Toris, even going out of his way to take longer routes to meetings and using the stairs instead of the elevators. Usually, Toris would duck behind stacks of files or cabinets, turn his back and start talking to the person nearest him, or "forget" something back on his desk and jump out of the elevator as the doors were closing. That also worked. For a while.

Toris was in the staff room on his lunch break. It wasn't Ivan's break time today, so he sat with his co-workers around the table and easily talked of business projects, free time with the people's families, or shows they had seen on television. Toris was too busy discussing the companies review with a friend from the bottom floor to feel the room suddenly grow colder, but he did see one woman's face twist in discomfort.

Then Toris heard the break room's door close.

"Toris", Ivan called out in a sing-song voice.

Toris turned to the man he had been previously talking to. "We should go. Now. Upstairs? O-or even-can we m-maybe even move the vending machine? Something? A-a-anything?" He could already feel chill breath on the back of his neck.

"What is this I hear, Toris? You want to leave?"

Toris tried not to shudder.

"I know you have been avoiding me. Now you speak of things such as hiding? You may have left once, Toris, but you will not do so again. I promise you that. As your other friends, Raivis and Edurad." He chuckled darkly. "But they may not answer back." With that, Ivan left the room.

Toris collapsed into a chair behind him, his eyes wide with fear. He looked up at his friend for help, but he only shook his head.

Then a woman spoke up. "You see, that's why I always talk to the creepy guy", she said, but her tone was full of fear and disgust. "You give him little presents, such as extra food you brought, or pens, and he's happy, so when he snaps one day – and he looks like he can at any moment – you'll be safe." She laid a few packages of gum on the table on front of him. "You can start by giving him these. You're a good worker, and we don't want to find your body on the side of the road."

He started at his boss as she stepped out of the room, and grabbed onto the small boxes for dear life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Yay! So, what should be next? Pick something from any show, sketch, movie, and I'll write about it!


	4. Nothing Fightes

**A/N: **I'm sorry it's been awhile guys. I've had a lot of school work to get done, but I've been sneaking this into my spare time. I've also been hovering around the mailbox instead of the computer waiting for my college acceptance letter (because really, who wouldn't want to have me? XD).

Anywho's~ We're still on Dane Cook with his Nothing Fights! It stars England, France, and America as a spectator. Rating had to go up because of France, and because of a choice English word.

As a side note: the second chapter to "Generator's Aren't the Only Way to Get Heat" will be here by the end of the week, I promise you! And the AusHun fic I've been planning is halfway done.

I still don't own Hetalia or Dane Cook.

* * *

><p>Alfred glanced at the two brands of frozen pizzas. They were both the same prices, but one had four kinds of cheeses, and the other only had one. Did he want a mouthful of gooey, globby cheese, or just a nice, level pizza that was equally balanced?<p>

He shrugged and grabbed the four-cheesed pizza. He was strolling down another isle in the super market when he heard a couple mumbling. The words were incoherent from where he was standing, but his interest was peaked when he heard a familiar posh accent. He snickered and headed in their direction.

Alfred stopped in surprise when he recognized the second voice.

"But, Angleterre!"

_Ew, Francis? _

In his astonishment and eagerness to see what all the hushed fighting was about, Alfred left his half-full shopping cart and darted around a corner stacked with cookies. A sly smile broke out on his face when he saw the two.

"For the fifth time you hard-headed frog; do we have any tea at the house?" Arthur asked, his fuzzy eyebrows knotted together in frustration.

"The last time I checked, we had _le thé_", Francis answered with a flourish.

"Speak bloody English, for the Queen's sake! Do we, or don't we, have tea in the house? I checked the cupboard, and there wasn't any left. I just want to know."

"But, I do not even like tea. I much more prefer drinking in the sight of you~"

"I never asked if you did, Frenchy! I'm asking for myself-"

"Just looking at it gives me hives". Francis smiled as Arthur's face turned red in anger.

"I don't care about your 'hives' or whatever other bloody excuse you have in mind to make me blow my top! I want my tea!"

"It seems you already have 'blown your top' _mon ami_".

"I'm not you anything-"

"That's not what you cried last night in my bed~"

Arthur's words failed him and he had to swallow hard in embarrassment before he could go on. Francis watched him in dark amusement.

"I will strangle your tiny frog neck and drown you in a tub of burning tea while calling to the Gods of tea to avenge them with your soul. Hopefully they'll have no mercy and put you in your personal hell of tea then."

Francis waited a moment, feigning shock. "But, Angleterre! How you strangle someone and then drown him or her? You must know many crafty tricks. How come you don't use them with me?"

The older man sputtered. "How you manage to turn every conversation into a perverse one, I will never understand. We are in a bleeding grocery store! There are children and women in here!"

"Ah, the children will have to learn someday, non? And why shouldn't the world know about our beautiful relationship?"

"Because we don't have one!"

Alfred couldn't help but snicker at the way his former caregiver twitched under Francis' cool stare. This was just so great! Wait until the others found about this. There had been rumors that Arthur and Francis had started to get together, but no one had believed them. Here was the proof! He tried to reach for his iPhone in his pocket and found that there was an open box of cookies in his hands.

He shrugged. He could pay for them later. This was more important.

He took the picture of Arthur and Francis and realized that he needed to get down this isle. Tony wanted more cereal.

Alfred grinned devilishly. Maybe, while he passed, he could say something that would ignite the fight further. It would be great to watch Arthur flounder for a retort, or to see Francis pale. But, which one would he like to annoy more?

Arthur was always so stiff, insulting Alfred's choice of…anything really. His clothes, his food, even his bedroom! But they did have a lot of history. Then again, Francis was a sick man, his mind always in the gutter. Like now for instance. But he hated tea…

With a wicked smile playing across his lips, he strolled down the isle, trying to look busy as he fiddled with a box of mac n' cheese. He waited until he could feel the burning sensation on the back of his neck Arthur glaring at him.

"What in the whole bleeding world are you doing here?" Arthur snarled.

Alfred held up the box of cheesy goodness. "Someone's a little edgy, aren't they?"

"Isn't he?" Francis agreed. "He just needs to take a nice, relaxing bath! We me of course."

Arthur grabbed a can out of their carriage and threw it at the Frenchman's face.

"Arthur – what is it you like to say so much? – twat? How come I haven't heard it yet?" Alfred asked with a smirk.

"Because Angleterre loves me too much to say something as hideous was that!"

Another can went flying. "Just get the tea! Bloody twat."

Satisfied that Francis would send Arthur into a second round of fighting, Alfred paid for the opened cookies and the box of mac n' cheese.

For three and a half days, Arthur and Francis said nothing to each other. They avoided each other at all costs – sleeping in different rooms, bleaching the showers after each use, and inviting people over that the other hated (Alfred couldn't help the smile every time he came to visit, only to have the door slammed in his face by Arthur) – but those times where avoiding the other were inevitable (mealtimes, work destinations) were spent in tense silence.

After those three and a half days, Francis would raise his eyes from the dull carpet floor and ask if there was anything he could do around the house. Arthur would respond with a snarky no, knowing it was going to be done because the other man felt bad. There hadn't been tea in the cupboard when they had come home to look for it.

It was the fourth day after the fight.

Arthur was in the kitchen the dishes, angrily scrubbing at invisible crumbs on the smooth plastic surface. "Unbelievable", he muttered, as he inspected the plate before reaching for a glass. "Unbelievable."

"Arthur?"

Arthur stopped his scrubbing but didn't turn around. "What?"

"Um…I was looking for the cheese for the spaghetti last night, and, I found the tea behind the boxes."

The older man whirled. "Oh why thank you, frog! Were just starting to patch things up and you start it all over again! Thank you, thank you, I'm now aware of the tea situation! Thank you for rubbing my mistake in!"

"I don't want to fight anymore, _mon cher_! I want to fight for our love!"

"Oh, please stop that!"

"No, _attendre_! I want to say something!"

Arthur crossed his arm.

"It…it…I'm sorry!" Francis pouted and looked up, a tear shinning in his eyes. Arthur wondered if it was forced. "I do not like seeing you upset! We can go get more tea later, and we can get as much as you like. Just…say that you'll sleep me again? Your missing warmth keeps me up at night."

Arthur groaned, but the anger it once held was only half-hearted as Francis wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Fine, but stop calling Arthur over just to annoy me."

"Ah, I thought you were calling him to annoy me…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, yeah. These are mostly just the things I do when I have writer's block, and since I have many more ideas for other stories, theses might not be updated for a while. But when do come back, expect Charlie the Unicorn 2! (which I still don't own either.) - just in case.


	5. Time Machine

**AN/: **You know the drill already: I say the original video, what characters are in here, and warnings. So, here we go.

This is originally Louis CK's "Friends That Start Conversations You Don't Wanna Have", part of his "Shameless" act.

For this, we have Arthur and Francis. Yes. Again. But if fits so will! You'll see.

Warnings! There isn't much warnings with France...but there is a mention of rape. Hence the rating changing. Also, there is a mention of Hitler. And France mentioning rape. If you don't want to read it, wait for the next chapter. It'll be out in about a week.

I don't own Hetalia, Louis CK, or anything he says.

* * *

><p>"Angleterre", Francis whispered, leaning in his chair to get closer to Arthur. "What would you do if you had a time machine?"<p>

Arthur scowled. "Why would I have a bloody time machine? Your asking questions like Alfred; now pay attention!" The Brit huffed and tried to scribble down whatever words he had caught while Francis rudely interrupted. His paper was covered in neat, cursive handwriting about the debt the Italy. Although, all of the information was coming from Ludwig's mouth. He shook his head. Feliciano would have to learn to-

"No, seriously, what would you do if you had a time machine?"

"Nothing, I would do nothing", he answered, sarcastic. He picked up his cup of tea and took his sip. His eyebrows came together in his disgust. It was horribly weak.

"There is nothing better to do, so why not answer my question" Francis persisted.

"This meeting is more important than a meaningless conversation over a fictional trans-dimensional device."

"But you make so many movies about time machines, and all of them end up sucking!"

"They do not suck!"

Francis sighed dramatically. "I guess I will have to look for other means of entertainment…" His hand slowly climbed its way up Arthur's thigh.

He swatted it away. "Fine, fine! I'll answer the bloody question!"

The Frenchman grinned. "Okay, if you had a-"

"Time machine, yes, yes." He snorted. "What a stupid question. What would I do with it? Oh, I would just let it sit in my living room, just gathering dust. No! Maybe as a place to store my china", Arthur answered snidely. "Maybe I would go kill Hitler."

"Do you know what _I _would do with a time machine?" The blonde's voice was disturbingly seductive. "I wouldn't kill him. Non, I would rape him."

Arthur choked. "You'd _what_!"

Several others around him turned and gave him angry looks. Francis smiled in that infuriating way he always did.

He tried again, his voice a whisper. "You would what with Hitler?"

"Rape him", Francis repeated matter-of-factly. "He would be to overcome with the precious bliss of French love and forget all about taking over Europe. Instead, he would try to take over _mon Coeur_."

The Englishman rolled his eyes. "Yes, most definitely."

Francis chuckled as he moved his chair back to its original position. "That was a great conversation, non? I'm glad we could have this chat."

"Bleeding terrific", Arthur hissed into his teacup.


	6. Banana King

**A/N: **It's Charlie the Unicorn Two: The Banana King! It's been awhile, so, some OOC and very strong crack XD

There is another song in here! It's also Italian. I will do this for every Charlie the Unicorn Parody: if you are the first to give me the correct name of the song, your name will be mentioned in the next parody!

Warnings: Ivan. Alfred's laugh. England's unicorn friend.

**I do not know Hetalia, any of the Charlie the Unicorn's or the song! Hetalia belongs to that guy who I can't spell the name of, CTU belongs to FilmCow, and the song is by Mariangela** *hint*

* * *

><p>"Ludwig, Ludwig, ve~" Feliciano cried as he ran down the hallway. He tripped over the rug placed on the hardwood floor and landed face first on the couch next to the blonde nation.<p>

Ludwig sighed and muted the news program he was watching on TV. "What is it, Feli?" he asked, already tired in the early afternoon as whatever the pasta-loving country was going to ask him grated on his nerves without even knowing what it was. He looked up from the screen and quirked an eyebrow. "Feliciano, why are you wearing a…scuba mask?"

"We are going to explore the ocean, Ludwig", Kiku answered as he, too, walked into the room, holding an oxygen tank. "But we must be protected from the Fugoo fish."

"Oh yes, they're very dangerous aren't they?" Ludwig said with a roll of his eyes. He shook his head and reached for the remote to turn the volume up on the television when a burst of light erupted from his chest. With a startled yell, he jumped to hit feet. "Mein Gott, w-was passiert doch!" He gestured widely at the glowing orb spinning from his body.

"The vortex is open, Feliciano", Kiku said solemnly.

"W-was?"

"We're being pulled inside!" Feliciano wailed.

"You guys are really freaking me out now!"

Ludwig screamed as both the ditsy and the removed country were sucked into the vortex in his chest. The light winked out with a disturbing 'plop'. He patted himself down, his blue eyes bright with worry. What had just…happened? Was this a dream?

His stomach rolled and he feared that he was going to retch. But, instead of whatever he had eaten for dinner reappearing, Italy tumbled out of his mouth. The red-haired nation jumped to his feet and happily shouted, "We have the emulate! We have to bring it back to the Banana King!"

Feliciano sat up in bed, a scream tearing through his lungs. Ludwig, hearing the scream through his fitful dreams, also shot up, screaming. When he noticed the Italian in his bed, he screamed louder.

"What are you doing in my bed!" he shouted, jumping out of said bed, horrified. Feliciano was a grown man!

"Ve…I had a bad dream and I thought that talking to Germany would make it better, but he was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. I got tired again and the floor is cold so…"

Ludwig rubbed his temples. How early did it have to be in order to say it was too early for a headache? "Feli…I don't mind spending time with you, but for the nth time: please stay out of my bed."

"But, it was really scary and-AH!" When trying to sit up, Feliciano's hand brushed something cold, metal, and round. And when he actually got a glimpse of it, he stared at it, wide-eyed. "I-it w-w-wasn't a dream?"

Ludwig shook his head. What was he blabbering on about now?

"Ludwig, this was in my dream!" He held it in front of the blonde's face.

Ludwig swatted it away. "Dreams are not real. I don't know where you got that from, but we should return it as soon as the time is reasonable. Go back to your room."

"But, this has to go back to the Banana King!"

"Banana King…right. No more pizza before you go to sleep, Feli."

"Did someone say Banana King?" Ludwig groaned as Kiku's head appeared in his doorway.

"Not you too, Kiku."

"Did you dream about the emulate too?" Feliciano asked hopefully.

"Hai. We must return it to the Banana King, or else there will be many years of darkness."

"Darkness…because of an emulate…and a king of bananas…"

Feliciano nodded eagerly. "Come on, Ludwig! Come on, come on, come on!"

Ludwig nodded tersely when Kiku added in his own agreement. There was not way to sway Kiku into leaving this fantasy behind once he set his mind to it. He would just be up all morning trying to talk the Japanese man out of it, and either way – whether he went on this journey or not – he would still waste his morning. He growled out an agreement.

"Fine, I will go, but if there is anything like what happened last time, I am turning back around and we are running laps."

"_Ninna nanna ninnaó questo amore a chi lo do? Lo do a te finché vivrò solo te io amerò! Ninna nanna ninnaó questo amore a chi lo do? Lo do a te finché vivrò e a nessum altro lo darò._"

Ludwig curled his hands into fists. This again?

"_Lo darò alla tua dolcezza quando tu mi parlerai. Ad ogni bacio, ogni carezza che tu mi regalerai. Lo darò ai tuoi desideri quando a te mi stringerai._"

Was he going to do this every time they forced Ludwig on a trip with them?

"_Lo darò a tutti I tuoi sogni che con me divederai. Ninna nanna ninnaó-_"

"Felicicano! I will turn us around this instance if you do not stop this insistance sing-"

"It's Z!"

"Z-" His blue eyes widened. There was a giant Z in the middle of the path…

"Der Mann mit dem Hut hat uns geschickt. Sie haben vielen Geschichten zu uns gesagt!" Feliciano chatted excited.

Ludwig made a choking sound in the back of his throat. Now they were speaking German! He slapped himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Heute Nacht, wir Essen die Schildkröten! Ich bin glücklich".

"Kiku…you too?" he gasped. The letter blinked and shook while the two walked past it. Ludwig took a deep breath and followed after them. "You have seen stranger things", he told himself. "There have been worse situations, ja. You can keep going through this, strange as it may be."

"We're here!" Feliciano cried. He started to run towards a giant temple, but Ludwig grabbed the collar of shirt and pulled him back. "But Ludwig! We have to return this to the Banana King!" He waved the emulate in the blonde's face.

Ludwig snatched it away from the red-head. "But this could be a trap! There have been too many freaky things that have happened, and I want to make sure nothing will jump out at us-…like that." He sighed as Alfred jumped from behind the pyramid. He was wearing his Santa costume. "Alfred, can you please explain to us what is going on?"

"Yes, Alfred. Can you show us to the Banana King?" Kiku asked. "We must return something important to him."

"Yeah, sure, Bud! In a sec, hold on!" Alfred dug in his large red bag and pulled out several note cards. "Okay, let's see here…" He laughed. "Aw, dude, this is gonna be great!"

"What, what?" Feliciano asked, bouncing up in down, still hanging from Ludwig's grasp.

Alfred cleared hi throat. "Dude, Ludwig", he started, reading from the cards, "You look all tense and scary frowning like that. I think it's because you're always yelling and making everything perfect. But, life isn't perfect man! It's always messy, but messy is fun! But, you don't like that, because everything has to be clean and tidy and quiet and everything!"

Ludwig's eye twitched. Feliciano laughed. Kiku remained passive.

"But I know what will make you feel awesome whenever your life sucks! You juts gotta stick a bana-". He squinted at the cards. "A banana? Really? Alright, whatever the cards say! You just stick a banana in your ear!"

"A…banana…in my ear?" Ludwig asked incredulously.

"Yeah man! Just a ripe yellow in your favorite ear! It's true!"

"Says who?"

"These cards right here! It says that once it's in there, your frowny face will go away! Although, I think it's permanent on you." Alfred laughed again.

"Nice job, for a git", Arthur muttered. He stepped out of the pyramid leading a unicorn.

"I know, I did so great. Because I'm awesome!" Alfred hopped onto the unicorn and rode away with Arthur.

"Alfred seems to show up in the most unlikely of places, does he not?" Kiku pointed out.

"Okay emulate", Feliciano said. "Go to the Banana King!" He threw the necklace into the air, where it suddenly turned back to them and flung itself into Ludwig's face.

Ludwig screamed, dropping the Italian, and clawed the emulate off of him.

"You're the King!" Feliciano shouted, smiling. "All hail the Banana King!"

"I am not king!"

"You are", Kiku told him.

"Nein! Nein!" He looked back and both the Japanese and Italian man had gone. In their place, stood Ivan."NEEEEEIIIINNNN!"

* * *

><p><strong>Translations:<strong> **Song- **Ninna nanna ninnao, who do I give this love to?/ I give to you because for as long as I shall live, I'll only love you/ Ninna nanna ninnao, who do I give this love to?/ I give it to you for as long as I live, and to no one else./ I'll give it to your sweetness when you'll speak to me/ To every kiss, to ever caress that you'll offer me/ I'll give it to your desires when you'll hug me./ I'll give to all your dreams that you'll share with me/ Ninna nanna ninnao, who do I give this love to?

**What Germany Says- **What's happening!

**Whatever They Say To 'Z'- **The man with the hat sent us. He told us many stories. Tonight we eat turtles. I am happy.*

*Yes, this is exactly what they unicorns say to the real Z, but the video has it in Spanish. I have it in German.

Also, the reason Ivan is there is, because, if you look at the symbol of the banana's on the pyramid, it's the sickle and hammer of the Communists. Fun fact for you there! It's also the symbol on China's flag ('cause their Commies), but I like Russia better!


	7. Sneezing Atheist

**A/N: **Heeeeeyyyy! So, I'm, like, feeling really sick and stuff...so I'm taking my daily dose of Hetalia fics! XD I had a different idea for this chapter, but after a request, this idea popped first and foremost into my mind. Thank you Roshia-chan-Loves-You! I hope you continue to read these and that I make everyone laugh! Or something close to it.

And since no one decided to take up the sing challenge from last chapter, there are no winners, thus nothing to name the park Japan made.

WARNINGS: Greece and Turkey animosity. And different religious beliefs. I know that Greece probably isn't Christian, and I know for certain that Turkey isn't Atheist, but for the purpose of this fanfic, I've made them so, because it's close enough. I do not mean to affend anyone in any way.

I also don't own Hetalia. Or Dane Cook.

* * *

><p>Hercules looked down at the letter in his hand, then back up to the street sign. He glanced and down the street lazily before crossing the road. He continued his leisurely pace as he walked along the street, watching the cars whiz by, though he was pretty sure he was late. But Kiku could wait, couldn't he?<p>

Kiku had just opened a new park not far from where lived, and had invited the Greek to a small picnic as he took in the new environment. And of course Hercules had accepted. They were best friends!

Hercules unfolded the small map printed under Kiku's neat, handwritten invitation to make sure he was heading in the correct direction. When he picked his head up from the paper, he noticed the crosswalk light had turned red. He shrugged. Kiku could wait a bit longer. Plus, the long walk was tiring…Hopefully the park would have a nice place for a nap.

The Greek turned in a small circle. He loved Japan in the spring. All the birds were flitting about and the cherry blossoms were a delicate pink as they danced in the sweet-smelling breeze.

His eyes passed over the corner of the street adjacent from him and he caught the sight of a dark green coat. He did a double-take and his lips curled into a scowl as recognition boiled in his stomach like burning pitch. What was _he _doing here?

Sadiq must have felt the glare Hercules was putting on his white mask because brown eyes turned to meet green. Sadiq grinned and strolled over to Hercules.

"Don't tell me you're here because of Kiku", Sadiq asked, but there was a growl under his smooth grin.

Hercules only nodded. "I'm his best friend. Why wouldn't he invite me?"

The Turk coughed out a laugh. "_You're _his best friend?"

"Of course."

"Mmm, sure." The Greek narrowed his eyes. "We can walk now, you know".

Hercules looked up to see Sadiq halfway across the street, a broad smirk on his tanned face. The Greek clenched his jaw and continued ahead, restraining himself from running his shoulder into the other. Kiku didn't like it when he and Sadiq fought. Then Hercules would do this for Kiku. Because he _was_ Kiku's best friend.

So, when Sadiq ended up sneezing – which was utterly revolting considering the man didn't even bother to cover his face or anything and Hercules could see all the spittle and just utter _grossness_ spray from his mouth – he decided to be the bigger man.

"God bless you."

Sadiq titled his head and frowned. "What? No, I'm Atheist."

"Then peace be with you."

"I'm Atheist, man! I don't do this."

Hercules laughed. Sadiq's frown deepened. Who cared if he knew Kiku would be angry when he found them fighting? This…this…Greek was making fun of him! Well, he knew how to play this game.

As Hercules continued to ramble off some prayer or another, Sadiq chuckled at everything, making remarks about how stupid this thing or sounded, or how could something like so and so happen? He was pleased to find the Greek's voice quiet down as his lips hardened into a scowl.

"So, you believe that everyone goes to Heaven and all the people that's died are going to meet him all waving and smiles?" Sadiq laughed. "It sounds more like your coming off an airplane!"

Hercules fumed. "Then what do you believe?" He couldn't believe how…how _snarky _this Turk was being to him!

Sadiq drew himself up and smiled. "I _know_ that, when I die, we die, our bodies are decomposed and become one with this earth, where they are turned into the perfect fertilizer for the Earth. And we will all come back as a beautiful tree."

Hercules mouth dropped open. The man actually…actually believed this? That he would become a tree…and Sadiq had been laughing about his beliefs!

Once more, Hercules had the idea of running into him, punching him, going off on the other. But, through the conversation, they had found their way to the park. He could see Kiku's shape sitting under on of the many tall gazebo's that dotted the flat grass. Hercules was going to make sure that Kiku didn't hear them.

He leaned in closer to Sadiq. "You believe you will be a tree? Well, I hope you do. So that, one day, a fat sweaty man with a giant axe can cut you down, send you on a long journey to a sawmill where you will be ground up, pounded, and pressed into paper. And I sincerely hope that they print the Bible on you."

Sadiq stopped dead in his tracks, mouth open as Hercules smiled casually. The Greek left him to stroll to the Japanese man waiting for them beneath the building, his grin spreading as he tried to hold in his laughter.


	8. Scottish Iphone

**A/N: **Aw, yeah, another parody, whooooo! So, my friend sent me this video (My "Smart" Phone Doesn't Understand Me- Russel Howard's Good News), and another actually bought an Iphone 4S or whatever and we played with it. Thus, this was born!

Warnings: A bit of swearing, Arthur being a douche to his brothers, and Arthur's brothers.

Characters: Arthur, Alfred, Peter, Allistor (Scotland), and Semus (N. Ireland). Ah, the brotherly love~ That isn't there XD

I DO NOT OWN: Russel Howard, anything that has to do with Iphone, Apple (I don't even own an Iphone...), Hetalia, or anything remotely funny.

Have fun.

* * *

><p>Alfred patted the Velcro case clipped to his belt, grinning when he felt the phone still there. Aw man, Arthur was going to be so jealous!<p>

He could barely hold in his excitement as he practically skipped up to the Brit's house and flung the front door open.

"Honey, I'm home", he cried, laughing as he stepped inside.

"Arthur, you got yourself a lassie, now did you? It's about time", Alfred heard a rough voice say. His smile faded. It sounded kind of like he was choking on water or something. He paused and cocked his head another voice spoke up.

"Sounded more like a lad than a lassie if you ask me. Always knew there was something wrong with our Arthur."

"Arthur", Alfred called out.

"Mhmm. A lassie. I knew it", the second voice said.

"Yes, it is a man", he heard Arthur (thankfully) snap. "But he is definitely not mine- Allistor, no! No smoking in the house!"

Alfred followed the sounds of laughing and Arthur's yelling and found himself in the kitchen. Looking upon the weirdest scene ever. And he was Alfred Jones. He had an alien for a best friend. He had seen some weird stuff before.

Arthur was trying – unsuccessfully – to make some kind of food (though it looked too black and burnt to be called food, in Alfred's opinion) with two, tall redheads. The taller one was half-sitting, half-reclined in a chair at the kitchen table, most likely the Allistor one from the cigar in his smirking lips. The second had longer, straighter hair, and was looming over Arthur's shoulder.

"Hey, Arthur. Who the hell are these people?"

Arthur jumped and whirled, smashing his elbow into the other man's stomach. "Seamus, for God's sake, watch where you're bloody standing!"

Allistor jumped to his feet must faster than Arthur would have predicted and tore the cigar from his mouth, now a hard line. "Watch where _you're _going, prick!"

Arthur shook his head and shoved Seamus away, rubbing his temples as he came to stand by Alfred. "I'm sorry, Alfred. Now's not a great time-"

"Hey, it's Uncle Alfred!"

Alfred let out a small shriek when he felt something bowl into him, almost knocking him over, and he glanced down to see Peter clutching his leg.

"What is he doing-"

"Peter! What are you doing-"

Peter glanced up with wide blue eyes at Alfred, pouting. "Arthur keeps yelling at me and keeps locking me in my room upstairs."

"Because you shouldn't be around your brothers-"

"Arthur just doesn't want you to have fun, kid", Allistor called out.

"-and I don't want _you_ around _me_", Arthur finished, shooting a glare at the red-head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa", Alfred said, emphasizing his confuson by waving his hands about. "Your _brothers_?"

"Unfortunately", Arthur sighed. "Allistor – Scotland – is the imbecile lazing about at the table and Seamus – Northern Ireland – is the arse who won't stop _berating about my food_", he shouted irritably. "Peter came too, whining the entire time."

"Dude, I didn't know you had brothers!"

"I wish I didn't."

"Us too", Ireland snorted.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, git", Arthur scoffed. "Both barbarians, the lot of them." He shook his head. "Well lad, what we're you here for? Spit it out; the faster you do, the quicker you can escape."

Alfred's eyes lit up. "Oh! Dude, you gotta check out my new phone!"

Arthur gave an exasperated sigh. "All of this because of a phone? And it's 'have to', not 'gotta'", he muttered.

"A really sweet phone! And hey, I didn't know your siblings were coming." Alfred grinned, producing the palm-sized touch screen.

Arthur gingerly picked it up, examining it with wary eyes. "It looks like any other phone."

Arthur looked horrified and snatched the small device back, clutching it to his chest. "Don't say that about her!"

He raised an impressive eyebrow. "'Her'?"

"Yes, her", Alfred told him matter-of-factly while pressing a few buttons. "Siri! Good afternoon, Siri!"

"Good afternoon, Alfred", the phone droned. "It is three pm. Did you know that it is sixty degrees Fahrenheit already?"

Arthur blinked, his jaw working up and down at a loss for words. "The thing _talks_?"

"Yes, _she_ does", he nodded.

"That's so cool", Peter breathed. "I want to play with it!"

Arthur kicked him away with a growl. "Sod off! What did I tell you about being down here?"

"Hey, Iggy! Say something to Siri. She can find anything!"

"Can she find me a butchery for this little cow?"

"I have found five butcheries in the area that specialize in cows", Siri answered.

Peter froze. Arthur paused in shaking the boy, before his lips turned up into a feral smile. "I think I like this phone."

"I told you it's awesome!"

Allistor popped up behind Arthur. He made a show of breathing a puff of cigar smoke in his brother's face, smirking as the Brit waved it off, coughing. "What's this you're all going on about?"

"Siri", Alfred replied, grinning.

"That's the new Iphone, yeah", Seamus called out, his back to them as he poked Arthur's 'cooking' with a spatula.

"The thing that talks, yeah, yeah." Allistor reached over Arthur's shoulder, effortlessly lifting the phone from Alfred's grasp. "Let me try with the bugger. Hey, is it a nice day out?"

"Allistor, it already stated-"

"I want to ask if it's a nice day out!"

"What a strange question."

"I'm sorry. I cannot understand "Is it an A. S. Deet. Es. Says."

"Wait, what?"

Arthur slapped a hand over his mouth and his shoulders shook as he tried to muffle his laughter.

"What just happened", Alfred asked, frowning at his cell phone.

"Can you repeat that", Siri asked.

"It can't understand your accent, you numpty", Ireland snickered.

"Can you repeat that?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **After this, look out for another "According to Awesome" update, 'kay? And "Generators" is coming up soon. I'm sorry for the wait guys...

Mo says hi! c:


	9. What is Your Quest?

**A/N: **Math plus sleep deprivation equals crack. Complete and utter crack. But funny crack!

So...this was suggested a while back by WaitingOnTheWorld to do something from Monty Python, and I only ever saw "The Holy Grail", so...this is all I got for you guys. Sorry...

Warnings: Alcoholic references and France being...France.

Characters: BBT and Germany.

I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR ANYTHING RELATED TO MONTY PYTHON! Thank you.

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><p>Ludwig frowned as he spotted three figures crest over the hill. He narrowed his eyes, shielding the cerulean orbs with his hand to escape the glare of the setting sun preventing him from identifying the newcomers.<p>

Whoever they were, it was still his job to make sure it was safe for them to cross the border into Germany.

With an irritated sigh, he brushed off lint that wasn't there on his black uniform and re-adjusted the hat on his head. He made sure his police badge was all too visible on his chest.

As the trio continued on their way – most certainly headed for the border from their lack of attention to the many other paths that branched off the road – Ludwig's face fell. His lips curled in annoyance and he could feel the headache ready center itself, ready to pounce at the worst moment.

_Mein Gott, help me_, he prayed silently as his older brother and his two friends strolled up.

The albino stopped just feet in front of Ludwig, blinking in surprise. He grinned, lips stretching from ear-to-ear.

"Hey, bruder! What are you doing here", he asked cheerfully.

"Not that it isn't a pleasant surprise", one of his friend purred. Ludwig turned his gaze on the longhaired blond, his own blue eyes watching the German through lowered lids. "I did not know Gilbert's brother would look so good in uniform."

"Yeah, forget Francis", Gilbert said, shoving the Frenchman away. "But, seriously, what is with the police get-up?" His red eye widened as the answer struck him a moment later, and Ludwig braced himself, whether to feel embarrassed or what, he didn't know yet. "Did you get this job?"

Ludwig hesitated. "Ja."

"Keseseses, what an unawesome job! Someone as awesome as me wouldn't take a such boring one as this!"

"It is a job, Gilbert, one that you don't have. And it pays well, boring or not."

"I wonder what you would look like in a uniform", Francis chuckled, right in the albino's ear.

The German seemed unphased by the close proximity. "A lot more awesome than Ludwig!"

"Oui, I agree~"

"What creeps", Ludwig muttered. "Okay. Though you are my brother, I still need to go through the procedures."

Gilbert nodded as his brother pulled out a packet of papers and a pen. "Just make it fast."

"Of course." The blond leafed through them, finding the first sheet of the paperwork. "First, what are your names?"

"The awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt, the perverted Francis Bonnefoy, and Mr. Happy-go-Lucky over here, Antonio something Carriedo."

"Ja, ja, gut. And why are you coming?"

"Because we left to go drinking at Francis' place, but French beer sucks and I want real alcohol!"

"Oi! My beer is good!"

"Not as awesome as mine, kesese!"

"But you never even touched my wine."

"'Cause wine is stupid!"

"Non!"

Ludwig shifted his weight irritably. "Gott, do you three have anything better to disagree about? This argument is as pointless as trying to figure out the velocity of a swallow carrying a…carrying a coconut!"

"Is it a European, or an African swallow?"

Ludwig blinked, turning his attention to the smiling Spaniard. He smiled. "Is the bird European or African?"

"What does it- forget it. Go. I won't bother with this anymore, whether I'm fired or not, just _get out of mein sight!_"


	10. Say Goodbye to Charlie

**A/N: **This is the last one. Of the "Charlie the Unicorn" at least! This one is...I can't even out it in words...you'll have to read to try to understand. And review. Don't forget about reviewing. Oh, hell, does anyone even read the intros/afterwords? Review if you do! XD

So, like I mentioned before (if you even read these) this is the last and final "Charlie the Unicorn". Warnings: Complete and utter crack. CRACKINESS. And France. And the pokerap. Suggested by

Characters: There's a whole lot: The Axis (Germany, Japan, Italy), The Nordics (at least Sweden, Norway, and Denmark), China, Spain, Prussia, America, England, France, Romano, and...I think I missed one. Whatever. Ladyofthelake13.

There is another song (the final one...) and I will again put out the contest for naming it once more! The your name shall appear in one of the next parodies. Nobody did it last time.. was gonna name the park after them...And thank you Skadipirate on YouTube, because I fount the found song there. She has awesome videos. Listen to her.

I DO NOT OWN: HETALIA/"CHARLIE THE UNICORN 3 OR ANY OF THE CTU VIDEOS/POKEMON OR THE POKERAP/OR THE ITALIAN SONG. THEY ALL BELONG TO PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME. Thank you.

You know what comes after"Charlie the Unicorn"? "Llamas With Hats"!

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><p>Ludwig heaved a sigh and looked over the stacks of paper littering his desk one last time. He shuffled them up and turned to his bedroom, shaking his head at Alfred's stupidity. Global warming could not be solved with a giant snow machine. Not like there were any snow machines large enough to cover that much land anyway.<p>

He turned the house's lights off and shut the door to Feliciano's room. Though he knew nothing would keep the Italian out of his room.

Which was why he was only mildly frustrated when he was woken by the redhead.

"Ludwig!"

The blond jerked to a sitting position, smashing his forehead against the Italian's. He swallowed a scream and rubbed the reddening spot above his brow, glaring at Feliciano. "What do you want, Feli? It's not even time for training", he said, words muffled from sleep.

"The world is in peril, Ludwig!"

"I'm surprised you even that word", he muttered.

"All that is good has been consumed by evil! The end is near!"

Germany looked over Feliciano's shoulder and was – actually unsurprised – to see Kiku standing in the doorway. "Don't tell me you're still following his whims, Kiku?"

"Feliciano says that we must help him to finish his snowman if we are to save the world."

"Mein Gott. A snowman? You both no it is not even summer anymore, ja?"

"There's no time to explain", Feliciano cried! "You need to some with me!"

"Where are we going?" Ludwig resisted the Italian's attempt at yanking him by the arm.

"Feliciano has not even told me", Kiku told him. "I am sorry, but I cannot be of any help with that question."

Ludwig frowned, his confusion momentarily getting the better of him, and Feliciano pulled the top half of his body out of the bed, and Ludwig fell crashing to the floor.

"Come on, Ludwig!"

"I don't want to go! I'm tired of your tirades! All they do is get my involved in some twisted plot over something pointless, like a snowman right now!"

"But this is important!"

"You told me that last time and I was attacked by Ivan!"

"Worse things will happen if we don't finish my snowman!" Feliciano pouted.

"I do not know what is worse than Ivan, but if what you say is true, I don't want it. I'll come. But only for the sake of everyone that would have to put up with it." Feliciano beamed and shot of the room, grabbing Kiku's hand and dragging him away on the way out. Ludwig only sighed and reached for the pain medicine he kept on his bedside table. He had a feeling he was going to have a headache very, very soon.

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><p>"Feliciano, we're in a park. Full of screaming children. Why do we have to be quiet?" Ludwig questioned. He shook his head when the Italian turned around only long enough to put a finger against his lips.<p>

"You'll wake the Umoo."

"Umoo? Feli, there are no such thing." He turned to Kiku. "Do you know any of such creatures?"

The Japanese man shrugged. "I personally have never heard of them, but Feliciano says it is important."

"And that is why we are doing…this?" The German didn't know if he should slap the Italian, or yell at him, as he watched the redhead dart from tree to tree, looking about him every time he stopped. He even looked above him. Once, the man even jumped over a swing and Ludwig was too stupefied at what was going on the even feel proud of the other's barrel roll through a mound of mulch.

"I believe so."

"Oh no!" Feliciano screamed from the other end of the park. He was crouching behind a chain link fence that separated the children's park from a baseball field. "The Umoo have awoken! Run!"

"Feliciano, there are no such things as Ummo! There is nothing here but children!"

"We have to look out for the Yamyams!"

"Yamyams? What the hell!" Ludwig sprinted after Feliciano, bolting across the field. He ducked under a baseball soaring overhead. Kiku was panting, barely able to keep up. "Why can't he run like this in training?"

They watched their friend zigzag across the well-manicured field, screaming one moment and dodging an invisible foe the next.

"They must be everywhere", Kiku commented.

"What are? Am I missing something?"

"There are Narshlogs coming in from above."

"Oh no, not you too, Kiku! I thought, over everyone, you would be the most sane about this!"

"No, Ludwig, look." Kiku pointed into the sky and the blond spotted more fly balls falling from the sky.

"Ludwig", Feliciano screamed from the other side. "Watch out for the Blehblehbleh!"

"The what?" He jogged over to join Feliciano on the edge of a forest. "Can I go home now?"

"No. Ludwig. Look, we're almost there! We just need to go down the river!"

Kiku leaned over when he caught up, breathing heavily. "I do see a baot", he said between gasps.

"But…that's a duck", Ludwig cried.

"Come one guys! The Blehblehbleh are right behind us!"

"Ja, ja, sure. Whatever. Just make this fast…"

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><p>"<em>Dove fuggi? In Italia!<em>"

"Feliciano, nein. I am not going through another song. Especially in this boat."

"_Pistole in maacchine. In Italia._"

"Feliciano!"

"I find his songs quiet enjoyable", Kiku said.

"_Machiavelli e Foscolo. In Italia!_"

"I don't find it enjoyable", Ludwig growled.

"_I campioni del mondo sono in Italia_."

"But they are wonderful songs, don't you think?"

"_Benvenuto! In Italia. Fatti una vacaza al mare. In Italia._"

"I can't think when I'm around him."

"_Meglio non farsi operare. In Italia._"

"Feliciano!"

"_Non andare all'ospedale. In Italia._"

Ludwig had no time to notice how the duck boat was dipping into the water. Feliciano's cries of help and gasps for air carried on for a mile, even when they slipped under the surface of the water.

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><p>"This is where you have hidden the snowman?" Kiku asked, looking up at the arch made of sand. Feliciano nodded, rubbing his throat.<p>

Ludwig glared at the Italian before turning his eyes to the archway. He looked up at the surface of the water miles above. "I don't even want to know how I am still alive. Maybe I'm dead already; killed by Feliciano's stupidity. And these adventures are me eternal punishment."

"You are always so down, Ludwig", Kiku commented.

"I have no idea why."

"Okay guys, let's go", Feliciano shouted, running through the arch. "If we want to reach the snowman, we have to go through the Door!"

"The 'door'?" Germany asked apprehensively.

The Italian nodded, but when they stood in front of it, it looked like a normal, wooden door. It did not look mysterious or special. There were no words or pictures carved into it. It was just a door.

"What is it?"

"The Door is everything", Feliciano chirped.

"Of all that once was and will be", Kiku explained. "The Door controls time and space, life and death. The Door can see into your soul."

Ludwig eyes it warily. "This door can do all that?"

Feliciano laughed. "Of course not! Kiku's just being funny. Right, Kiku?"

Kiku blinked. "Of course…" He turned the knob and opened the door for the others to pass through.

"Alfred", Feliciano asked, tilting his head.

Alfred glanced up from his card game with Tony. "Oh! Hey, dudes! Sorry I can't caome right now, Tony's totally kicking my butt and he's taking all my money. I need to win it back! But the snowman thing is down there. That's what you're looking for, right?"

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><p>"Are we close", Kiku asked, after they had been walking for a half an hour.<p>

"Si! It's just at the of-Oh no! It's Berwald!"

Ludwig jumped as a shadow passed over them, and his eyes snapped up to the surface of the ocean. He blinked. There did seem to be someone swimming above them…

Feliciano didn't move until Berwald left.

"Then we must only be a few steps from-"

The pasta-loving man's scream cut off the rest of Kiku's words. "Oh mio dio, it's Lukas!"

"Lukas?" Ludwig's eyes once again turned upwards to see another man swimming after Berwald.

Feliciano waited for the shadow to pass and continued on. "You can see it right up ahead."

"Feliciano, is that-"

"No! It's Mikkel-"

"Stop it", Ludwig roared. "Does it matter who is swimming in the ocean? Can we just find the damned snowman and I go back home? I don't care about other people!"

"But, Ludwig, they care about you", Feliciano whined.

"Oh no… is that music? There better not be another- What!" Ludwig jumped back when a certain blond floated down. "F-Francis?"

"When you're feeling all alone, the world's a drone, and nobody's shone any love to you~"

"Francis, what are you doing", Ludwig cried.

"I believe he is singing you a song", Kiku replied.

"I can see that! But why?"

"When your heart is cold as stone, just change your tone, get rid of that groan and the world will too!"

Ludwig was not a man for crying. He was a man made for punching and shooting in desperate times. But, he was desperate to just _leave_, to get as far away as possible from this creepy place, from creepy Francis, and Feliciano, who seemed to enjoy this annoying song.

The German felt tears of hopelessly prick his eyes when Antonio jumped out from behind Francis, and Lovino just moments later.

"They all love you, mon cher! And so does-" Ludwig jumped when his brother snaked his arms around his waist from behind. "And so does Gilbert", the Frenchman laughed. "You know it's true!"

"How is that true?"

Hercules appeared, followed by Wang Yao. Arthur shot a glare at Francis as he walked up to Ludwig as well.

"And these wonderful people as well!"

"And don't forget about me", Gilbert cried, hugging Ludwig tighter.

Alfred came sprinting over to them, sand spraying from behind him. "Aw, dude, we had a party without me? That's no fair! What's going on?"

"A love fest", Francis cooed.

"It's a creepy rap", Germany screamed. He took a step back, face red from anger and embarrassment. He wanted, needed, to get out of here.

"A rap? I know an awesome rap!" America took a lungful of air. "Electrode, Diglett, Nidoran, Mankey, Venasaur, Rattata, Fearow, Pidgey, Seaking, Jolteon, Dragonite, Gastly, Ponyta, Vaporeon, Poliwrath, Butterfree-"

"That's the wrong bloody rap, git", Arthur chided.

"You do no justice for my singing", Francis sniffed before continuing. Ludwig paled. "Well, you can ignore this plea, that's fine with me. But one day you'll see that my words are true."

"Stop singing!"

If you find you agree, I guarantee, that you'll soon be feeling the love too."

"Ja, sure, just leave me be!"

Francis blew a kiss (which made Ludwig's eye twitch), before he floated away. The others, after raging glares and much heated mumbling, left in their own direction, much to the German's relief. The only ones left were a very pissed off German, an extremely pale Kiku, and a clapping Italian.

"That was fun, wasn't it Germany", Feliciano laughed.

"Nein!"

"Everyone, the snowman is up there", Kiku stated, pointing. On top of a pedestal sat the white figure.

"Great, what do we do know", Ludwig all but groaned.

"Now we steal his kidney to fix it", Feliciano giggled.

Ludwig whirled, terrified. "You're doing _what_?"

The two of them advanced on him, and he screamed.

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><p>Ludwig sat up in bed, screaming and sweating. His whipped from side to side, eyes wide, looking for either Kiku or Feliciano. He heaved a sigh of relief and let his head drop when he found no one but himself in the room.<p>

He wiped the sweat beading his brow and turned over in bed. "I need to stop drinking before bed…"


	11. Hands Are Yummy

**A/N: **I promised you Llamas with Hats so here is the Hetalia version of- wait for it...- Llamas with Hats! Your character guide for this evening goes as follows:

Ivan shall be playing Carl! Raivis shall be acting as the dead guy. Toris will be Paul. For all of the Llamas with hats, Ivan will always be Cral and the Baltic trio will always be Paul or the other main characters.

WARNINGS: Blood. Missing hands. Hands eaten. And the literal treatment of the saying "Butterfingers."

I DO NOT OWN HETALIA! NOR DO I OWN LLAMAS WITH HATS. EACH SHOW GOES TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS! THANK YOU AND **REVIEW!****  
><strong>

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><p>Toris muttered under his breath about having to go grocery shopping the minute they ran out of food. Of course Ivan wouldn't care one way or another how depleted they were in the kitchen and pantry's, only that there was something in the house. But at least one of the other two in the house could have told them they were dangerously close to nothing.<p>

He struggled to juggle the armfuls of both paper and plastic bags brimming with cans, boxes, and fresh fruits and vegetables as he unlocked the door. He kicked the door shut and nearly tripped over something on the floor. Could no one pick up after themselves either?

Toris shook his head, brown hair waving, and dumped the groceries on the kitchen table before heading back to the living room to pick up whatever was lying on the floor.

He jerked to a halt and screamed when he found the boy slumped against the far wall, sitting in a pool of his own blood. Toris jumped to his brother's side, eyes wide and fearful as shaking hands reached out for the blond boy. Was he breathing? Was he still alive?"

"_Mr. Braginsky!"_

Toris had to wait several minutes, several long, excruciating minutes before a door slammed shut and there came a pounding of heavy footsteps down the stairs. Booted feet stopped in front of the sneakered ones of Raivis.

"What's Raivis doing lying here", Toris screamed.

"Oh. How did he get here", Ivan responded cheerily. "I didn't think he would make it this far."

Toris' head snapped up, blue eyes wide and swimming in unshed tears, just ready to fall. "Ivan, what did you do?" The question was almost a whine, but softer than a whisper.

Ivan pouted. "Why do always assume it to be me?"

_Because he looks so damn happy about it all_, Toris thought with a sigh. "I don't think Eduard would hurt Raivis, and Raivis would most certainly not do something like- as something as harmful as this."

"Oh, you caught me", the Russian giggled. He sounded so _merry_ it made the Lithuanian sick.

"What happened? Is-is he…dead?" Toris hadn't found a pulse in his wrist. Then again, something looked odd about his hands, but will the mess of blood surrounding the boy, it was hard to discern anything below the waist.

"He is not dead. I did not kill him."

"Then tell me, please Mr. Braginsky, what happened before I came home."

Ivan tipped his head back in thought. "Ah…you went to get groceries, da?"

"Yes."

"I was upstairs when you left! And I, uh, I was in my room."

"Yes?"

"I was reading a book. One Alfred gave me. He said it was an excellent book, but it was actually very horrid. I do not know how Americans can find something as a haunted house horrifying. It is just boring!"

"Yes, haunted houses are very overused. You were reading the book?" Toris' eyes flickered between Raivis and Ivan, unsure of where to keep his gaze.

"Raivis was in the kitchen making tea."

"Okay…" Nothing usual there…

"And then there came a very loud clatter and a yell. Raivis was crying and Eduard was trying to clean _something _up and consul him."

Toris swallowed. He knew where this was going. He had the scars on his back to prove how well he knew. The old wounds throbbed with each word the pale blond man above him spouted.

"I was very disappointed with my little malchik. He is usually not this clumsy. But, I wanted to make sure he knew never to break my tea sets again."

"Yes…?"

"So I grabbed my pipe and hit him thirty-seven times."

"Thirty-sev- _thirty-seven _times", Toris cried. His grip on Raivis' arm tightened and the boy groaned. Toris bent down and ran a hand though his curly hair, whispering comforts in his ear. He glared at Ivan. "That could have killed him, Ivan!"

"But he did not die. He is fine."

He is- Mr. Braginsky, he is anything but fine!"

"But he learned his lesson. I do not see why you are so upset. He is alive, and I get tea. It is fine."

Toris stared at him with exasperation. He shook his head and glanced back at Raivis. He tugged at his arm, hoping to rouse him. Maybe he could clean him up-

"M-Mr. Braginsky?"

Ivan had began to stand up, and he towered over Toris now. "Da? What is it, Toris?"

"W-what happened to Raivis' hands?"

"What happened to his what?"

Toris held up the boy's arm. No wonder he couldn't find a pulse in his wrist. There was no wrist to begin with! "His hands, Mr. Braginsky. Where are his hands? They don't just walk away!"

"Oh, his hands. You see, Raivis always drops things. There must be something wrong with his hands. So I cut them off."

"Ivan!"

"They did not taste like butter."

Toris' jaw dropped open. "What?"

"I said they did not taste like butter. Alfred uses that stupid expression 'butterfingers' whenever Arthur or Francis drops something. But Raivis' hands did not taste like butter."

"You ate his hands!"

"I was hungry, and there was nothing in the house."

"I went grocery shopping!"

"Not very fast."

Toris groaned. "Why on earth would you ever do something like that?"

"My stomach was making the rumblies."

"You could have called for Eduard."

"Eduard would not make the hands I craved for."

"Because you shouldn't be craving hands! What is wrong with you, Ivan?"

"I supposedly kill people and I eat their hands, though they do not come with butter. That is two things, da?"


	12. Let's Play Tetris!

**A/N: **It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been so caght up with my 100 ay Challenge that I haven't felt like making anymore of these! But then, this video caught my fancy.

This is Tetris God from CollegeHumor. They're extremely funny, go watch them somtimes!

So, today we have: Ancient Rome (Romulus) as Tetris God and Germania (Legolas - yes, I call him Legolas. Deal with it) as the other random guy who comments on stuff! Nothing bad happens here. No swearing, nothing. So tell your friends because anyone can read this one. Not even France is here!

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA! NOR DO I OWN THE SKETCH TETRIS GOD OR ANYTHING MADE YM THE GUYS FROM . **Thank you.

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><p>Ivan glanced about the room with a bored expression. There was a fifteen-minute break in this business meeting and already the other heads of multiple companies were storming out of the doors. There wasn't enough time to get lunch in just fifteen minutes, and no one wanted to talk to the giant Russian, so there wasn't much he could do.<p>

He dragged his briefcase from under the table with his foot and placed it onto his lap, trying to find something to pass the time with. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his three co-workers make a mad dash for the door. Ivan rolled his eyes and returned to the depths of his bag.

Well, there was something.

Ivan pulled out an old Tetris game. He couldn't remember when he had shoved the thing in there, but it was a lucky break for sure. At least he wouldn't have to sit in the large room with only a very stoic Ludwig glaring at him.

"What do you have there?"

Ivan glanced up at the garbled English accent to find his competitor's company's head leaning over his shoulder. He couldn't remember what company he was from, but the man's name was Arthur. Arthur Kirkland.

"It is a Tetris game."

"It looks like an old one," Arthur said, taking seat next to the Russian. Ivan only blinked, surprised that someone would actually stay so close to him. To even talk to him.

"Da."

"Oh, look! Someone's going to play Tetris," Romulus sang as he crested the hill to Legolas' house. "I wonder what he will do?" Romulus whistled a random tune as he hopped the last steps ad opened the door. "Heeeellooooo~ Are you home?" The place was dark and there were no noises coming from any rooms. There wasn't eve a peep from the kitchen. "Hey, I wanted to watch; where are you?"

Romulus left in favor of checking the yard. He passed a lush garden of flowers blooming in all colors and he made a note to tease his friend later about it. But, for now, he just wanted to see what he would do to the poor soul playing Tetris right now.

And he found him sitting on a small rise in his backyard, watching the grass wave in the breeze.

"Hey, Legolas! How's it going?"

"Someone is playing," Legolas droned.

"I know! I wanted to watch! Let's see how you'll start, okay?"

"L-block."

"That's a perfect piece! Keep it up!"

"Reverse L-block. T-block."

"Oh, now you're just being mean!"

Legolas shot him a dull glare and sat up straighter. Romulus sighed and settled on the ground next to him, expecting a long game.

"Squiggly!"

"That's such a funny word," Romulus sang. "Sqiggly! You know, my grandson is a very funny-" the Roman hesitated as his friend continued to watch him. "Okay, okay. I'll be quiet."

"T-block."

"You're making a mess now!"

"Square."

"But there's no place for a square piece!"

Ivan frowned, possible positions for the square block firing rapidly in his head. With a small grunt of disapproval, he stuck it on top of the larger stack.

"Are you sure you know how to play this?" Arthur commented.

Ivan had half a mind to glare at him, but he needed to keep his eyes on the small screen for the next block's appearance. He settled for a quick, "Da. I am Russian. We have this game in our blood."

"It must run thinly."

Ivan scowled and quickly moved the reverse squiggly piece to the corner.

"You're torturing him, Legolas! No one could maneuver that piece like that in time- Oh, look, he did! Yay!"

The German frowned. "Reverse L-block."

"We just need a line piece! C'mon, buddy, do it for me? Please? You've been mean enough."

"Square."

"What? No!"

"T-block. T-block. Reverse squiggly."

"Is it because of what I said? I take it back then! This isn't fun to watch anymore!"

"L-block."

"B-but, Legolas." Romulus grabbed his friend's arms, willing him to see his error. "If you really give him that, then he'll have no choice but to plug up that column with it! And then it would be…useless."

Legolas glanced at him and nodded. "Line piece."

The Roman's eyes widened. "No, Legolas! Don't! Anything but that! Are you trying to punish him?"

"Line piece.

"Give him anything!"

"Line piece."

"B-but…"

"Line piece."

"You're so mean!"

"_Line piece!_"

Ivan growled at the game and threw it back into his brief case with a furious flick of his wrist.

"That was a…good game," Arthur said, slowly standing up. His eyes widened when the man started spewing a river of Russian curses. "Ah…it looks like the meeting is about to start, so…" Arthur dashed around the room and took safety at his own chair on the other side of the room.

"W-what happened, Mr. Braginsky?" Toris said, as the three co-workers retuned to the room. They hadn't wanted to, but Toris had told them how much trouble they would be in with both their boss and the German running the meeting if they didn't show up. That didn't mean they were any happy with re-entering. Raivis and Eduard had to be shoved through the doorway when they say their angry boss.

"Tetris God has forsaken me," Ivan scoffed.

Eduard glanced at Toris uneasily, but all he retuned was a shrug.

Ivan glanced once more at the case before deciding that he wouldn't play it again.

"Look at what you did," Romulus whined. "Now he won't play anymore!"

"It is not my fault he did not do a good job."

"You gave him all the wrong pieces!"

"He used all the wrong moves."

"But, Legolas-"

"There are more people to play Tetris. Now leave my house."


	13. Llamas with Hats 2

**A/N: **It's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm a bit stuck on my on-going fanfic, so I thought I'd just visit this again, just to entertain you guys and make it seem like 'm actually doing something that's not wasting my time on Tumblr (pfft, like I even know how that works. Seriously, what the heck is Tumblr and why is everyone obsessed with it?)

It's also my birthday on Thursday! I fianlly turn 18! So, it's like a mini-present for you guys! Whoop whoop! If you want any more presents, if any of you have read my 100 day challenge (and if you haven't, do so. It's worth it), I'm actually going to make a one-shot sequel. I just love the thing waaaaaayyyy too much to end it there.

Okay. So...I haven't really seen any awesome videos (except salad fingers, but that's way too creepy for this...), I'm just going to continue with "Llamas with Hats"! You know the drill: Ivan is creepy, the Baltics are scared, and everyone else is thrown into the mix here. Shipping is involved 'cause I like it that way and WARNING about massive swearing. Mostly Romano's swearing.

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR ANY VIDEOS ASSOCIATED WITH "LLAMAS WITH HATS".** Thank you.

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><p>Toris could barely hear the argument over Raivis' sobbing despite the close proximity of the small yellow life raft. The inflatable dingy was made even cramped from the angry motions of the multitude of angry refugees. The brunette raised his eyes to his older brother. Eduard glanced up and shrugged before returning his attention to their youngest sibling.<p>

"What the fuck was that?" an American shouted. For emphasis, he took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. He jabbed a finger at the tall Russian gazing at the calming water on the other side of the boat. "What did you do!?"

"Hmm? I am not sure what you mean," Ivan responded with a smile.

"What do you mean 'what do you mean'? I bet it was your stupid Commie ass-"

"You sunk and entire cruise ship," a short man exclaimed. His large eyebrows were hiked up well above his hairline in exasperation and panic.

"I believe I would have remembered if I had done such a thing. Do not accuse me of such."

"You shot a bloody harpoon into the captain's face!" A tall blond man at the back of the crowd nodded his head. One arm was wrapped tightly around his bicep. Red trickled between his fingers. Ivan's smile tightened.

"Next you will be telling me that I also chucked children from the deck and into the water." Torsi felt Raivis shudder from under his hands at the words.

"That's because you did!" The short Englishman stepped back at the violet glare he was given. The American went to stand in front of him protectively. The foreigner swallowed. "A-and then you made out with the ice sculpture!"

"Very poorly, might I add." Everyone one board turned to stare incredulously at the Frenchman sitting on the corner of the raft. He sniffed and combed his shoulder-length blond hair with his fingers. "I just wanted to point that out. It was a good thing none of the children could see how horribly the love was-"

"Because they were all drowning," the Englishman shrieked.

"What is all this red sticky stuff?" The dark-haired man prodded his boyfriend, who leaned over the side of the boat, pale and gasping. "Oh, Lovino, you don't look so good, you know?"

"Bastard," the Italian muttered before facing the water again. He wiped his mouth. "Why is the bottom of this goddamn rubber duck all sticky?"

"Maybe it's strawberry milkshake?" Lovino punched him. "Melted gumdrops?" Another bruise on his stomach matched his upper arm. "Boat nectar?" He flinched from the third attack.

"You bastard! What the hell do you think all this shit is? It's definitely not tomato sauce and God just doesn't cry red tears!"

"Nyet, it is not." Lovino screeched and jumped behind the Spaniard. "It is actually the nice elderly couple on the second floor next to my room. They were nice, but very noisy."

The Italian paled before slumping against his boyfriend's back. He caught Lovino before he hit the boat's deck.

Toris paled, feeling his own breakfast churn in his stomach. Maybe if they could find another raft, they could escape with another group and get away from this creep. Why had they agreed to this cruise with this guy anyway?

"Where are all the other lifeboats?" Eduard whispered.

Toris stopped in his search. "What?"

"I don't see any other lifeboats." Raivis choked back another sob.

"Da, that is correct. That is because they are all busy floating to the bottom of the ocean."

All hell broke loose on the tiny life raft. Ivan's lips tilted up into a small smile. It was a nice sound. Screaming, sobbing, drowning, and then silence. Now, to find a way home…


	14. Where's your flag?

**A/N: **When was I going to update this, I bet you're all asking. Well, if you didn't know, I have just finished my first semester of college and needed some adjustment time. Also, I was slowly diverging from the Hetalia fandom but now that season 5 has a release date I've been snared back in. Awesome, right?

I was going to do Llamas with Hats 3, but I like to put different parodies in-between the major funny ones. So here's a not-so-funy-but-still-pretty-funny parody.

This is all Arthur in EDDIE IZZRD'S sketch "Do you have a flag".

Warnings: Major misplacement of the word "metaphorical" and a very wrong stereotype of India. I'm on holiday break, I don't want to do more research.

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA NOR DO I OWN ANYTHING THE BRILLANCE THAT ARE EDDIE IZZARD'S WORDS. **Thank you. Please review and keep in the fandom.

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><p>Arthur leaned over the side of the ship and watched the waves slap against the planks, the thin layer of wood the only thing separating himself and the crew from life and death of drowning.<p>

Well hadn't he gotten metaphorical lately? Arthur assumed it was because his brain had nothing else to do but to amuse itself by thinking and fantasizing to pass the time as mile after of mile of ocean passed beneath them. Where were they going anyway? He remembered being very excited on the start of the trip, but there was something about an endless nothingness that really dulled the senses.

Oh, yes, India. They were going to India. For what again? Arthur shook his head and descended below decks for some more thinking. Maybe he could come up with some more fancy words to describe his lack of remembrance on the whole thing. That would be fun.

He snorted. Yeah, right.

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><p>It was another few days – another few days of metaphorical sunsets and storms and Arthur was pretty sure that he had seen a mermaid at some point or another – before a crewman screamed out the words everyone had been metaphorically dying for: land.<p>

It was a land like no other, much different than the England back across the ocean. It was flatter and warmer and not as green as the island he called home. And huge. Just the bay they were risking to dock in was larger than the town Arthur called home.

Men bursts from their bunks below decks the minute the ship rocked to a halt near the beach. Impatient for the dingys to carry them to land, they jumped off the side of the boat and swam to shore. Boxes, chests, and casks were ferried between the boat and the beach where they were stacked and counted and emptied. Last of call came the Union Jack.

Oh yea, that was why they had come to India. To add the land to the wonderful club called the British Empire. Being the head of this collection, Arthur assumed he should climb down to the land and have a look around himself.

As he made the last jump to the tiny boat bouncing on the small waves, the captain of the great vessel that had carried the hundreds of men months away from home sat beside him. Wasn't that daunting.

There really wasn't much to see. Or, at least Arthur didn't want to venture into the woods alone. Who knows what kind of savages lived in the twisting trees or hid in the scrabbling bushes. Mountains hid the rest of the land behind their towering bodies.

By the time he had walked the length of the beech, the crew had finished the unloading and had found a freshwater supply. Now they watched Arthur wring his hands nervously with their bushy eyebrows raised.

Arthur grasped the pole of the flag just a little bit tighter as his sweaty palms lost traction on the metal. He supposed he should do what his commanding officer done when in the last, newly gained territory. But someone had to have been watching them. Natives. Savages. Beasts. They wouldn't want their land taken so easily, and there weren't any soldiers present on the ship. Just him and a bunch of seamen.

Well then.

Arthur took a deep breath and shoved the pole into the sand. "I claim India for Great Britain!"

He held his breath. No one jumped. No one screamed. There wasn't even a rustling of the grass. Well, that hadn't been so-

"You can't do that!"

Arthur whirled to find a group of tanned skinned men jump out from the cover of trees. "We live here!"

He couldn't just kill these….natives. They'd have back-up and kill him! Something had to be done. Certainly not running and hiding as much as his gut screamed at him to do so. "W-well…I can! Because…because.."

"Because of what? There's four million of us! You can't just claim us."

Arthur gripped the flag pole a little bit harder. The flag… "D-do you have a flag?"

"What?"

"I asked, do you have a flag?"

"A what? A silly like square of colored cloth? Why would we need that?"

"No flag, no country." The crew behind Arthur chuckled. Even the gruffy old captain cracked a smile.

"Says who?"

"Says the British Empire!" And the rules he had just made up. Maybe this would work in Bermuda too.


	15. The Asylum

**A/N: **Two in the same week?! Crazy, am I right? Well, I've finally caught up on the previous season and a verrrrrryyy long while back someone suggested Doctor Who. So why not know?

WARNINGS: Uh...not much (again).

Can you guess who plays who?

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH DOCTOR WHO. STEVEN MOFFAT IS THE GENIUS BEHIND THE LOVELY INSPIRTATION. ** Thank you!

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><p>"How much trouble are we in?"<p>

The tall blond staring at the ceiling of a very white room – too white, he decided – turned around to see a very familiar blond watching him. Well, he hadn't been expecting him. Or, anyone really. Especially with the daleks concerned. Actually, there was a lot of trouble if the daleks were concerned and even more so with the strange fact that the hunks of metal weren't killing him on the spot.

"Doctor?"

Oh. Yup, there was the albino. He had forgotten about the boyfriend. Too much strangeness going on to really notice anything besides the giant bundle of hate prodding at him to the center of the room. He cleared his throat and slipped his thumbs behind his suspenders. " How much trouble are we in? Out of ten? Eleven."

And then the floor rose.

That wasn't very new. He liked new things! Sure, the whole daleks not killing them was new, but that wasn't a good new. It was a new source of worry. And fear. Always fear. But he found it better not to show it. That made people nervous an nervous people were clumsy. Clumsy could mean death and death was not something he liked. Not at all.

The blond's eyes widened. And widened. And widened. Row upon row of metal bodies crowded inside of the spaceship and stared down – as much as he could tell – at the three.

"What un-awesome place is this?" the albino asked. He made a move to reach for his boyfriend but the other blonde flinched. "A space ship?"

"The Parliament of the Daleks," the Doctor answered. All around them the parliament stared him down. The blond spread his arms out wide and shot them all a million-watt smile. "Hello," he cried, dragging the word out into a kind of sarcastic song. "You've got me! And I'm waiting. What are you waiting for? I'm right here for the taking!" Arms still spread wide, he squeezed his eyes shut, ready for the final shot.

And around him the daleks screamed for help.

Well, that was new.

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><p>Arthur clicked the record button on his tiny device and watched the red light blink on to signal that it was ready. It was the only thing he had that would listen really.<p>

"It's another bloody day," he sighed into the recorded, "and blasted if I remember how long I've down here." The machine made no move to help him recount the days. "I repaired the defenses again. Don't know why I keep doing so. Nothing ever happens. They come at night – always at night, the gits – but never touch anything. Well, the defenses are fixed again." Arthur mindlessly picked up the hammer that he threw haphazardly on the chair after nailing the fallen plank to the door and tossed it from hand to hand.

"I made another soufflé. Just as bad as the last one. Everything I make comes out just like the soufflés. I think it's the oven, if that's what you can even bloody well call it."

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><p>"We have arrived," a dalek droned.<p>

"Arrived where?" the Doctor asked. He stopped pacing in front of his two companions. Matthew was holding onto Gilbert's hand for dear life while the albino simply glared at the metal bodies surrounding them.

"What do you know of the dalek asylum?" the Prime Minister of the daleks asked.

The blond turned to him, an icy glare pointed at the man seated in a wheelchair-turned-trashcan. Vibrant purple eyes met his gaze from under a hood of pale hair. "It's a dumping ground." His mouth twisted into a frown. "A planet where you toss away daleks with battle scars and insanity." He grinned up at the mass of flesh that was the head honcho around here. "The ones you can't control." He glanced back at Gilbert and made sure that Matthew was still clinging to him. Yup, both were safe and their single hearts beating. "But why not just kill them?"

The Prime Minister chuckled – or whatever that robotic static-y like crackle that sounded like a chuckle could be called. "It is offensive to throw away such beauty."

"Beauty?" the Doctor cried.

"Of their hate. Which is most likely why we have no killed you."

The blond turned on his heel, a finger raised and mouth open ready to scream a protest when music blasted through the parliament room. The hand raised, about to point to an accusation, reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. He waved it about madly. That noise was horribly loud.

"Terribly sorry," a voice called out, echoing throughout the ship. "Must have hit the damned wrong button." There was a quick muttering – something about a flying bunny? – before there was a crash. "Wait, hello? Hello? Are you real? Am I talking to a real person?"

"Real as can be. Who and where are you?" The Doctor checked the ceiling just in case.

"Arthur. Arthur Kirkland. I'm stuck – crashed, actually – in an escape pod somewhere underground in God knows where. Been here for a year, God save the bloody Queen."

"For a year?" Matthew squeaked.

"I know, right?" the Doctor asked, laughing as he glanced over his shoulder to look at his friend. "For a year. Against the daleks! What have you been doing, Mr. Kirkland?"

"Making soufflés."

"Soufflés?" The blond straightened. "Now, where did you get the milk?"


	16. Charlie's Back!

**A/N: **We're you just as surprised as I was about this? I juts found out that they made another "Charlie the Unicorn", like, last week, so of course I had to make another parody of it! And this one is probably my best out of the "Charlie the Unicorn" parodies. If I do say so myself.

WARNINGS: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE NEW EPISODE, DO SO BEFORE READING THIS! 2!p characters. France shows up at the very end. Explosions. And a surprise guest. But, if you've seen this already, I bet you can guess who it is. I did use the actual milipese, but with different owrds and only the first minute of it. I'm not a song-writer.

I DO NOT OWN HETALIA NOR "CHARLIE THE UNICORN" RELATED! Thank you. Read and review to feed my ever-growing ego.

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><p>Feliciano screamed in terror. Kiku tried his best to calm him. Ludwig just buried himself deeper into his pile of paperwork. With his office door shut and ear plugs in, he could almost concentrate on the words scrawled out on the assignment in front of him.<p>

"Critical engine failure!" the Italian cried. "What does that even mean?"

"Everything is off line, Feli-kun."

"Abandon ship! Leave before it all blows up!"

"It will not-"

Another high-pitched wail and a crash rumbled in the living room. Ludwig rubbed at his temple. He would not leave his office. He would grab Feliciano by the hair and demand answers. He would continue to ignore the lot of them and keep working-

"Ludwing, Ludwig," the terrified Italian screeched. "Help me, help me, help me! I'm bleeding! What do I do? What if it doesn't stop – Ludwig!"

A vein popped in the German's forehead.

"Ah, what a mess we will have to clean up," Kiku sighed.

The blond clenched his pen with more force than necessary.

"_Ludwig!_"

Ludwig shot up from his rollychair, stormed out of the room, and stomped down the hall. Feliciano, already pale, weeping, and shaking, went whiter and his stomach heaved as his sobs only increased as the aggravated German stomped closer.

"What is the meaning of this?" Ludwig roared as he took in the sight of the living room. It looked like a spaceship of some kind had crashed into his house.

"I was asked to build a rocket, but things did not go as planned – as you can see – and it malfunctioned. To my disappointment, the rocket did not even leave the ground."

Of course. Ludwig resisted the urge to shake them both by the shoulders, mostly because Feliciano would have a heart attack if he cried any harder and because Kiku would have a heart attack from a sudden personal space intrusion.

Instead, he blew a long breath out of his nose, tried to relax the muscles in his forehead, and very slowly asked, "Why in the world would you need to build a rocket.

"We need to go to the moon, Ludwig-san."

"To the moon." He watched the Japanese man with a level gaze. "And why do you need to go to moon?"

"We need to go to the moon to stop the millipede."

"I think you need to spend some time away from Feliciano." He turned to the redhead, who was looking like he was calming down. Very quietly, Ludwig could hear him singing some song that only consisted of the words "bah bat dah." Yes, they all needed a break from the red-headed lunatic.

"It's using its evil millipede power to destroy the Cavern of the Red Wind."

"Ja. Whatever you say. Why do I even stand here and let you two explain when I know I have no choice but to go with you. To the moon." When would this end?

"Ludwig! You're going to come?" Feliciano grinned.

"I wasn't even asked. How are we even going to get there? Are you going to flip the earth upside d-" Ludwig screamed as the world flipped outside, the roof fell off, and he fell off the face of the planet.

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><p>"I don't even want to know how you two keep doing this," Ludwig sighed. They were floating in space with no astronaut gear, no oxygen, and no propelling force. "Just go with it," he murmured to himself. "Once we get back you can look up those mental hospitals."<p>

"Ludwig, there happen to be a bug on your face," Kiku said

"In space?"

"OhmyGod I got it too," Feliciano cried. He rubbed at his face and already tears formed in the corner of his eyes. "Help me!"

"I don't feel anything. Is it the millipede?"

Kiku pulled out his ever-present katanna. "You will not live, insect."

"K-Kiku," Ludwig began, swallowing. "T-there is no bug, so put that away."

"Get it off!" Feliciano shouted.

Kiku swung once, twice, and a third time before Ludwig grabbed the sword and threw it into the empty space. He rubbed the blood from his cheek where the blade had just barely nicked him. "Look, look, we're here."

"Are you ready, Ludwig?" Kiku asked.

"We believe in you!" Feliciano shouted.

"For what?" Kiku opened his mouth to answer, but before Ludwig could get him explanation, the surface of the moon rumbled and a giant form burst through the rock and dust. Ludwig gaped.

Towering above them stood a giant albino millipede. Its red eyes blinked at them before its mandibles opened and music burst forth from its jaws.

"I am the millipede! I am so awesome! I command you to gaze upon my face! You'll never find someone as awesome as me, because I am the swaggiest bug out in space! Kesesese!"

Ludwig was ready to throw himself at a psychologist's feet right then and now.

"I'm a star, I'm dich Gott, and I am a thing to behold. Because there's nothing as awesome as I!" Hundreds of only what Ludwig could compare to as small yellow birds became to flap from craters in the moon's surface and swarm around their master.

There was more singing and some mention about 'invading vital regions' but in the end, as everything else did, the albino millipede exploded into moon dust. Ludwig simple sighed as bits of rock and tiny legs rained down and Feliciano and Kiku came out of hiding to congratulate him on defeating yet another monster.

There was another rumble and Kiku pointed at a mound the millipede dust had created. It began to glow red. "The Cavern has opened, Ludwig."

"I am not going in there! This is the last time I ever do anything for you two! Flip the moon upside down and let me go home!"

"You are right, Ludwig, this is the thing you will ever do for us," Kiku told him.

"Was?" What had he just heard?

"We'll never bother you ever, ever again!" Feliciano babbled. "This is just the most important thing you ever need to do!"

"To walk into this cave?"

"Ci!"

"We promise," Kiku said.

Ludwig's eyes shifted from the two and to the cave. This would be the last. If he just went in…

With clenched fists and jaw set, he stomped into the cave. "Okay, what do we do?"

"Just stand there, Ludwig-san."

"Yeah, Ludwig! We got kind of bored. Of both you and the moon. So we're going to blow it up!" Feliciano giggled.

"With me in it."

"Hai."

Ludwig stared at the giant pack strapped to the center of the moon, beeping with change of the glowing red lights that marked the countdown. Of course. By the time he realized he was going to die, Feliciano and Kiku were gone. Of course.

"Ludwig!"

"Mein Gott, not you. Anyone but you, bitte," the German groaned as a blond – _the _blond – materialized in front on him.

"Oi, mon cher, I am here to help you!" Francis pouted.

"That's what I was told last time, but you and your friends almost raped me!"

"Oui, oui, but I am here to get you out! For all of my love I bear you, please just bear with me! Everything will be explained soon enough, but first you must wish on me!"

"Wish? How does that-"

"Just wish, mon amour! Wish to go home!"

"I wish I was home!"

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><p>Feliciano and Kiku slapped high-fives as the moon exploded. It was such a beautiful sight as chunk flared in the atmosphere, dust sparkled, and fire light up the night sky.<p>

"Goodbye, Ludwig," Feliciano sang.

"Who shall we experiment with next?" Kiku asked

The two had changed, now that they didn't have to put up the ignorant idiot act anymore. Feliciano's bright blue clothes were now a dull, dusty brown. Kiku had switched from a crisp white uniform to dark black. Their eyes were narrowed and gleaming.

Until a certain blond – well, two blonds actually – poofed into existence before them.

"Oh…hello Ludwig," Kiku said, eyes wide.

"This is embarrassing," Feliciano trilled.

Ludwig was going to ring their necks, mass murdering psychos or not.

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><p><strong>AN: **"Llamas with Hats 3" will be next on my list!

Translations: You should know all this by know! You're a Hetalia fan for crying out loud!


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